who are the creators behind things we take for granted? who is the 'they' that operates in the shadows of our world? and, not that we take this for granted but actually would rather eradicate altogether (I'm speaking here on behalf of the world), I want to know who spends their time sending spam emails!?
among the 1,075 spam messages in my junk folder, I picked one out that sounds so absurd. it is from Ivan Caldwell (supposedly) and the subject is simply "Hey" followed by this message: "difficult happen aallowed, sense king truly arm reference arms. Safe & Effective..." another email from Ken Terry has pretty much the same message beginning. do these people hire some tech nerds from Taiwan to write algorithms that pick random words, sometimes, as referenced above, not even spelled correctly, and string them together? if so...damn that job has to suck! your messages aren't even read much less opened by the vast majority of their intended recipients. and why do they think I am a strong candidate for lawn fertilizer or new Rolex watches or e-greeting cards or Cialis? of course, I know this stuff is all some crap auto-pilot system...but just take out the frustration at all the mess in your spam folder for a moment if you would. maybe it's poetry of the '00s (pronounced "ohhz").
and let's just suppose I was interested in these inane offers. I have thought much about opening up an email account that I would only use to contact spam companies. what if I really do want that Viagra/Cialis cocktail!? will they sell it to me? there must have been countless firings from these companies as the marketing managers probably never live up to their sales goals. morale must be at record lows as the spoets (spam poets, of course) cannot figure out why the American public is so resistant to reading the wisdoms they try to inform us of. I'm sure these spoets get paid based on click-through rates. I wonder at least if they get a base salary and then work off of commission. is it a 9-5er? or is the best spoetry usually generated late at night? I wonder if there is a company in some far off land that can answer these questions on an odd jobs kind of show...maybe they can offer us a spoetry lesson or actually sign us up for one of those premium work-from-home job offers they advertise - but doing spoetry instead! and we can see the Spoetry Algorithm Capacitor. possibilities...maybe tours of these facilities can be arranged through various business schools.
and as a potential customer of these crazy deals, who do I contact if my shipment doesn't arrive on time? I'm sure it would surprise the fuck out of the mysterious They behind the spam if we all started replying and complaining about the services or lack thereof...
kind of a funny thing to think about how all this stuff started...
so prolific is spam today that gmail offers different recipes that include the infamous ingredient. the smell, if you are ever unlucky enough to be sitting next to someone opening a can, is putrid. but I really can't remember the last time that happened to me. just the idea of it is nasty: canned meat! are you serious!? the Spam website reports that the 6 billionth - that's 6,000,000,000! - can 'o Spam was sold in 2002. who eats that stuff? oohhhh - I know. probably the same people who are busy composing crafty spoetry messages for us all.
this video offers an explanation into how we might receive some of these messages. and next time you're annoyed at an extra email or hundreds of emails, keep in mind that this could be the ticket to a better life for a spoet in another country. take a deep breath and realize that spoetry is the new haiku of the '00s. I'm sure people were like WTF when they saw a 3 line quip from Japan. it took time to appreciate the nature and beauty of haikus. give spoetry a chance.
enjoy.
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